Green Blog Site

Welcome to my new blog site about all things green and cultural in Vancouver. The writing from raccooneyes.livejournal.com continues here.

small things you can do to change your perspective that don’t cost the planet

inspired by Keri Smith

(an ongoing list)

1. Change the height at which you perform everyday tasks. (i.e. brush your teeth while on your knees.)

2. Look under every object you encounter for a week.

3. Wear sunglasses all day (inside and outside). Notice how it feels to take them off.

4. Alter your body somehow so as to impede your motor function slightly. i.e. tie two fingers together.

5. For one day greet everyone you encounter with “top o’ the morning to ya!”

6. Speak through a tube (paper towel tube, then recycle it when you’re done).

7. Move frequently used items (i.e. salt and pepper shakers) to places they are not normally found.

8. Place something small behind your ear for an entire day. See if you forget about it.

9. Cut your food into new and interesting shapes. Arrange your dinner (or your table items) into a “grid” formation.

10. Exclude one vowel from all of your emails.

11. For one month create all of your correspondence on an outdated form of technology. (i.e. typewriter, pen & paper, dictaphone).

12. Add something to your name. (“the 3rd”, “the great”, “the illustrious”) Alternate: Add some letters to your name but don’t tell anyone.

13. Sponsor a contest based on an everyday task. (i.e. “Contest for person whose socks stay up consistently”)

Now to muster up the courage to do at least one of them (without getting fired!)

Creepy Critters

Halloween is a holiday with lots of creepy wildlife associated with it, but are they really so creepy? From toads to bats to owls, the National Wildlife Federation shares the facts about these animals and what they are up to at this time of year, which might dispel a few myths.

Bats

 

Blood sucking vampire bats are real – but they mostly feed on chickens and cows and only live in Latin America. Most North American bats are insect eaters, feeding on everything from moths to mosquitoes to beetles. They use echolocation to find their prey, which is kind of like radar, rather than eyesight. They tend to have beady little eyes and weird-shaped faces which makes them look scary. But those faces help capture sound waves bouncing off of prey and other objects and funnel those waves to their ears.

Many bat species are entering into hibernation in caves or hollow trees, but some fly south for the winter just like birds.

Spiders

Spiders, with their eight legs and multiple eyes, are creatures right out of nightmares—and their sticky webs and venomous fangs don’t help their public image either. But even though they might look scary, spiders are actually extremely beneficial predators of all sorts of insect pests. And only three species in the U.S. that have venom considered strong enough to hurt people: the black widow, the brown recluse and the hobo, and spider bites from these are very rare.

In the fall, female spiders are guarding egg sacks which hold the next generation of spiders.

Toads

Toads are not just a key ingredient in witches’ brew, they are important environmental indicators. All amphibians are susceptible to environmental toxins because of their sensitive skin. They are usually the first species to die out in polluted areas. If you have healthy toad populations in your area, it’s a good sign that your neighborhood is fairly unpolluted. And no, you cannot catch warts from touching a toad.

Toads are voracious pest predators in the warm months, but go into underground hibernation by late fall and won’t emerge until spring. Click here for fun toad and frog facts!

Wolves

The howl of the wolf can cause either heart-rending terror or spiritual inspiration. People have either vilified or glorified wolves throughout history, but the real life wild canines are neither hounds from hell or spiritual guides. In reality, gray wolves are top predators that play a key role in balancing the ecosystem. They control deer and other prey populations as well as other predators lower down on the food chain, like coyotes and raccoons.

Once found throughout North America, the only remaining gray wolf populations live in limited regions of the United States and Canada in wilderness areas. They go out of their way to avoid humans. At this time of year, they are in the process of growing their thick winter coats to guard against winter’s bitter temperatures.

Snakes

          

The slithering, legless body. The forked tongue. The lidless eyes. Everything about a snake is decidedly non-human. But even though they strike fear in many people, most snake species are completely harmless. In fact, snakes are enormously beneficial, helping to control insect and rodent pests. The only time a snake will try to bite is if it’s cornered or startled. The natural reaction of all snakes to people is to get away or hide.

By late October, most snakes are moving to their underground hibernation grounds, where they will doze away the cold months waiting for the warmer days of spring.

Owls

The nocturnal habits, glowing eyes and utterly silent flight make these predatory birds the epitome of eeriness. It turns out that all of those things are simply adaptations for survival. Owls are nocturnal to avoid competition for prey with day-flying hawks. Their giant eyes and the fringed feathers that make no noise when the bird is flying allow them to hunt in the darkness.

                         
 

Most owls are year-round residents and don’t migrate. Listen for the hoot-hoot-hoot of the great horned owl or the whinnying shriek of the screech owl when you’re trick or treating this year!

Now that you know the truth about these valuable wildlife, get outside and look for these cool animals.You might consider attracting them to your yard (except the wolves) The National Wildlife Federation shows you how to turn your property into a wildlife habitat at http://www.nwf.org/gardenforwildlife

© 2008 Newswise

Food Baby

The other day I was out for lunch with my significant other (S.O.) and his mother, who was visiting from France. We went to a mom-and-pop sandwich place we frequent often, so we are on friendly terms with the owner who works behind the counter. 
 

While waiting for our orders, S.O., his mother and I were comparing tans on our forearms. We were looking down, pointing and laughing since we weren’t very dark and just looked like we weren’t anemic anymore. The owner noticed our conversation and said, “Do I see something changing?” while looking down at my stomach. At first I thought she was asking about my “tan,” but then I realized what she meant and responded with a stern “Oh no! Not at all!” while waving my hands downward. Then S.O. said loudly while patting my belly, “No, it’s just all the rich French food she’s been eating lately!” laughing, thinking he was just oh-so-clever and funny, as if he saved the awkward moment when really he just made it much worse. I looked down, clutching my stomach and felt myself blushing. I laughed politely while dying inside as we left the restaurant.

 

Just after we walked out, his mother said, “Well, that woman obviously doesn’t keep up on the latest fashions!” The top I was wearing had a band just below the bust line but it wasn’t loose and flowing like a maternity top. I had just bought it  from the “new arrivals” rack at Naf-Naf, a trendy clothing store in the heart of Paris, so I was really miffed that it might make me look  pregnant. I asked S.O., who gave me this I-feel-sorry-for-you look and said, “Well, actually ….” 
 

The argument that followed that comment can be found in his memoir, “How to Avoid Living in the Dog House.” My point of this story is how some people are so focused on baby-making, that any sign of body fat equals pregnancy. This usually leads to embarrassment of both parties. People should only ask that question if it’s terribly obvious. I don’t know this restaurant-owner very well, our relationship is strictly customer-based, so I thought it was quite inappropriate for her to comment like that. If I really were pregnant, I would choose to offer that information to her and not leave it up to her to assume on any given day.

That wasn’t the first time the outspoken restaurant owner asked this type of question. She has asked me in roundabout ways several times before. She’s also not the only person to do so. We have quite a few friends and family with small children, so I get a lot of, “So, when are you having kids?” When I gain a little weight and they jump with excitement because people think I am  WITH child. I have to inform them, “Nope, just WITH Cheeseburger!” When I say I’m nauseous, they say, ”Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”  Maybe I just don’t feel good.  Response to that, “Oh, you never know!” rather than, “Oh, I’m sorry, are you okay?” 

My S.O. and I fall into the non-breeding category. We are child free by choice. This is a concept many people cannot grasp. When I tell people I am not having children they give me a sad look as if my child-to-be had lived and died, and  say, “You can always adopt” or “Nancy from choir is 47 and has a five year old!” Good for her, but it’s not for me.  It’s not that I can’t have them, I don’t want to have them. I’m all for everyone else having them, don’t get me wrong. Have as many as you like. I just don’t want to be the one giving birth.  And then I get the old, “Oh, you’re the type of person who will regret not having kids.” and “Having kids was the best thing I ever did. I don’t know how I’d live without them!” Again, your story, not mine.

Just FYI, I am not a fat person. I am 5’9″ and weigh 140 pounds – see? I am not ashamed of my weight. 
I am not in shape and have a  few love handles, but what 30 plus person doesn’t ? Just anorexics or the rare naturally thin folks that everyone loves to hate.

 

I joke around with my friends now that I’m expecting a “food baby” any time now. I will give myself nine months to exercise it out. Who knows, maybe I’ll have another, and call him my little Pizza Pops. Maybe I’ll have non-identical twins, Cheesecake and Potato Chips!

Not to Breed

These links are taken from the website Childfree.net to learn how to cope with the idiotic questions and comments we get from the conservative mainstream: 

You’re Being Selfish  http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_selfish.html

Preparation for Parenthood http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_prep.html

This one is from Ann Lander’s Childless Couple – very witty http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_annlanders.html

Why is it so important for you to have a baby? http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_whybaby.html

How Childless couples get the short end of the stick when it comes to benefits http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_lift.html

Couples in no-kid marriages happiest http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_couples.html

Celebrity/Notable Child-Frees http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_celebrity.html

Clean Up Your Act *

 

* A clean home is a healthy home, right? Not necessarily. It turns out the very efforts to rid your living pace  of dirt, dust, mildew and grime might make it a more dangerous environment for you and your family. And you’re not the only ones who could suffer: Many of the ingredients in household cleaners contaminate the air and water as well as thousands of organisms, from algae to wildlife, when they are washed down drains and make their way into the ecosystem. WHAT’S WRONG WITH WHAT’S ON THE MARKET “Conventional commercial cleaners are some of the most toxic substances you can bring into our home,” says Linda Mason Hunter, home ecology specialist and co-author of Green Clean: The Environmentally Sound Guide to Cleaning Your Home. “Many of the chemicals found in cleaners have only been around since World War II, and they’ve never been tested for long-term health effects.” The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has found that the immediate health risks associated with the use of conventional household cleaning products include asthma attacks, headaches, dizziness, visual disorders and memory impairment. Additionally, a 1987 study by the EPA determined that the air inside a typical home is up to ten times more polluted than the air outside the home because of the toxic chemicals many of us use to scrub and sanitize. They include the following: Formaldehyde a volatile organic compound, found in liquid cleaners and floor polishes, that is suspected of causing cancer. Chlorine bleach (sodium hypochlorite) a toxic compound that irritates the respiratory system and emits poisonous vapors when combined with ammonia or vinegar. Petroleum distillates (naphthas) nonrenewable, oil-based resources found in furniture and floor polishes that can affect the central nervous system and lead to cognitive and behavioral problems. Pesticides and fungicides such as chlorine and alkyl ammonium chlorides, found in most conventional antibacterial cleaners and mildew removers. They can cause skin irritation and nervous system damage. POLISH OFF OR PITCH OUT? There are two ways to go about switching over to eco-friendly products: gradually replace your scrubs and sprays as you use them up, or toss toxin-filled items out once and for all. Experts are split on the issue, but Annie Berthold-Bond, author of Clean & Green: The Complete Guide to Non-Toxic and Environmentally Safe Housekeeping, cautions that there are a few situations in which she suggests making an immediate change. “If the home contains young children or anyone who is pregnant, sick or sensitive to chemicals, contact your local recycling center about disposing of your toxic cleaning products,” she recommends. If you choose to deplete your supply of conventional household cleaners before replacing them with safer alternatives, carefully follow the instructions to avoid toxic reactions, always wear gloves when you clean, and make sure your home has lots of ventilation while you’re scrubbing—even an open window or two can help get the fumes out. MAKE A LIFELONG CHANGE Once you start using natural cleaning agents, you’ll find it hard to believe you ever allowed something labeled “Hazardous” into your house. Here are a few of the products we’ve taken a shine to, plus some tried-and-true homemade options you can make with everyday pantry items such as baking soda and vinegar. Store-bought or homemade, they’re all reasonably priced, readily available and really work at keeping things spotlessly clean—without compromising your health or the environment. AMAZING ALL-PURPOSE LIQUIDS Earth Friendly Products’ Creamy Cleanser Who wouldn’t choose lovely scented lemon oil over petroleum-based products for cleaning porcelain and stainless steel surfaces that directly touch dishes (in the kitchen sink) and your delicate skin (in the bathroom)? This grease-cutting cream gives them all sparkle and shine, without scratching. $3/16 oz. 800.335.3267; ecos.com The air inside a typical home is up to ten times more polluted than the air outside. Bi-O-Kleen’s Spray & Wipe Cleaner Grease-cutting, disinfecting grapefruit seed extract and orange oil make this a versatile liquid for everything from countertops and toilets to laundry and upholstery stains. It’s even safe enough to use on dolls, teddies and that muddy toy dump truck. $5/32 oz. 800.477.0188; bi-o-kleen.com Homemade Option: baking soda and vinegar Mix 1 cup each water and vinegar plus 2 Tbs. baking soda in spray bottle. Use as you would any cleaning liquid. FABULOUS CARPET AND FLOOR SCRUBBERS Seventh Generation’s Natural Citrus Carpet Cleaner The hydrogen peroxide (a powerful bleaching agent) safely replaces the neurotoxin butyl cellosolve and the possible carcinogen perchloroethylene in conventional carpet foams and sprays. The nonaerosol spritz loosens ground-in dirt, dissolves stains and eliminates odors. Plus, your just-cleaned carpet will be safe enough for little ones to crawl around on. $5/32 oz. 800.456.1191; seventhgeneration.com Homemade Option: Shaving Cream Spray foam shaving cream on carpet stains, let stand 30 minutes, then rub with a sponge and vacuum. Earth Friendly Products’ Floor Kleener This natural alternative to petroleumbased cleaners is made of coconut and lemon oils that condition and cleanse hardwood and laminate floors without stripping them or leaving chalky streaks. Vinegar in the formula dissolves grease and wax buildup. $3.79/22 oz. 800.335.3267; ecos.com Homemade Option: vinegar and warm water Mop floor with a solution of 1/2 cup distilled vinegar and 1 gallon warm water. SUPER SCRATCH-FREE SCOURER Bon Ami Polishing Cleanser Talk about standing the test of time! For over 120 years, Bon Ami has been chlorine-, dye- and fragrance-free. The all-purpose cleansing powder has naturally abrasive minerals that cut grease and add shine without scratching surfaces. $1.39/14 oz. 800.846.1230; bonami.com Homemade option: baking soda and lemon Sprinkle baking soda on a used lemon half and use as a scratch-free scrubber on counters, tiles and stainless steel. WONDER WINDOW TREATMENT Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day Window Spray (Lemon Verbena Scent) Renewable, biodegradable plant-based surfactants in this spray provide the same streak-free shine as ammonia-laced blue liquids. What’s more, the fragrance acts as an aromatherapy pick-me-up to get you through doing all the windows. $5/20 oz. 877.865.1508; mrsmeyers.com Homemade option: vinegar and newspaper Mix equal parts white vinegar and water in spray bottle, spritz on glass surfaces and wipe with newsprint for a streak-free shine that won’t leave tiny fibers behind. DIVINE HAND-WASH FOR DELICATES Forever New Fabric Care Wash This biodegradable, cruelty-free powder is the preferred cleanser of high-end lingerie dealers. The patented formula contains no phosphates or bleach to keep delicates from bleeding or fading. $5/8 oz. 800.456.0107; forevernew.com Homemade option: hydrogen peroxide and water To whiten delicate garments without bleach, soak them for 30 minutes in a solution of 1/2 cup hydrogen peroxide and 4 cups water. Chicago-based writer Meg Donohue has gone all-natural after researching this story. She now spritzes her windows and shower stall doors with vinegar and water to keep them crystal clear.

* Article taken from Vegetarian Times at http://www.vegetariantimes.com/features/672

Copyright © 2008 Cruz Bay Publishing, Inc. | an Active Interest Media Company

 

Air Fresheners = Air Pollution

 

Toxic Chemicals Found in Common Scented Laundry Products, Air Fresheners

Newswise — A University of Washington study of top-selling laundry products and air fresheners found the products emitted dozens of different chemicals. All six products tested gave off at least one chemical regulated as toxic or hazardous under federal laws, but none of those chemicals was listed on the product labels.

“I first got interested in this topic because people were telling me that the air fresheners in public restrooms and the scent from laundry products vented outdoors were making them sick,” said Anne Steinemann, a UW professor of civil and environmental engineering and of public affairs. “And I wanted to know, ‘What’s in these products that is causing these effects?’”

She analyzed the products to discover the chemicals’ identity.

“I was surprised by both the number and the potential toxicity of the chemicals that were found,” Steinemann said. Chemicals included acetone, the active ingredient in paint thinner and nail-polish remover; limonene, a molecule with a citrus scent; and acetaldehyde, chloromethane and 1,4-dioxane.
“Nearly 100 volatile organic compounds were emitted from these six products, and none were listed on any product label. Plus, five of the six products emitted one or more carcinogenic ‘hazardous air pollutants,’ which are considered by the Environmental Protection Agency to have no safe exposure level,” Steinemann said.

Her study was published online today by the journal Environmental Impact Assessment Review. Steinemann chose not to disclose the brand names of the six products she tested. In a larger study of 25 cleaners, personal care products, air fresheners and laundry products, now submitted for publication, she found that many other brands contained similar chemicals.

Because manufacturers of consumer products are not required to disclose the ingredients, Steinemann analyzed the products to discover their contents. She studied three common air fresheners (a solid deodorizer disk, a liquid spray and a plug-in oil) and three laundry products (a dryer sheet, fabric softener and a detergent), selecting a top seller in each category. She bought household items at a grocery store and asked companies for samples of industrial products.

In the laboratory, each product was placed in an isolated space at room temperature and the surrounding air was analyzed for volatile organic compounds, small molecules that evaporate from the product’s surface into the air.

Results showed 58 different volatile organic compounds above a concentration of 300 micrograms per cubic meter, many of which were present in more than one of the six products. For instance, a plug-in air freshener contained more than 20 different volatile organic compounds. Of these, seven are regulated as toxic or hazardous under federal laws. The product label lists no ingredients, and information on the Material Safety Data Sheet, required for workplace handling of chemicals, lists the contents as “mixture of perfume oils.”

This study does not address links between exposure to chemicals and health effects. However, two national surveys published by Steinemann and a colleague in 2004 and 2005 found that about 20 percent of the population reported adverse health effects from air fresheners, and about 10 percent complained of adverse effects from laundry products vented to the outdoors. Among asthmatics such complaints were roughly twice as common.

Manufacturers are not required to list the ingredients used in laundry products and air fresheners. Personal-care products and cleaners often contain similar fragrance chemicals, Steinemann said. And although cosmetics are required by the Food and Drug Administration to list ingredients, no law requires products of any kind to list chemicals used in fragrances.

“Fragrance chemicals are of particular interest because of the potential for involuntary exposure, or second-hand scents,” Steinemann said.
“Be careful if you buy products with fragrance, because you really don’t know what’s in them,” she added. “I’d like to see better labeling. In the meantime, I’d recommend that instead of air fresheners people use ventilation, and with laundry products, choose fragrance-free versions.”

The European Union recently enacted legislation requiring products to list 26 fragrance chemicals when they are present above a certain concentration in cosmetic products and detergents. No similar laws exist in the United States.
“I hope this study will raise public awareness, and reduce exposures to potentially hazardous chemicals,” said Steinemann.

 

 

---

© 2008 Newswise.  All Rights Reserved.

 

Vinegar Is All That And A Bag of Chips

I’ve been on a mission to reduce chemicals in my household and have discovered how effective natural cleaners like baking soda and vinegar are.  My toilet actually sparkled and smelled clean, especially when adding a bit of lemon juice to the cocktail. I didn’t think it was possible, since they didn’t seem strong enough in my mind. 

A victim of mass marketing, I formerly believed that only strong-smelling chemical cleaners could get rid of grease, germs and soap scum. Then I wondered just how toxic these chemical cleaners are, including supposedly harmless ones like Windex glass cleaner and Sunlight Dish soap. How toxic? Try carcinogenic and asthma-inducing. 

These facts caught my attention in Wendy Mesley’s “Chasing the Cancer Answer” on CBC’s Marketplace. Wendy was diagnosed with cancer recently and began her own research on cancer-causing products. She interviewed Mae Burrows, Executive Director of the Labour Environmental Alliance Society (LEAS) located here in Vancouver. Burrows recommended the CancerSmart Consumers Guide which was researched and produced by the Society. The guide was created for consumers to more easily research the products they are buying so they are better informed of what goes into common household, beauty and food products. You can purchase the latest guide from their website for $12.60 and this money goes to support the Society since they are not-for-profit.

I couldn’t believe what I read in the Guide, just how many seemingly innocent and comforting products like Pledge (I loved the way lemon-waxy smell reminded me of my childhood when I helped my Mom clean) are incredibly toxic, containing chemicals such as isobutane, propane, butane, silicones and isoparaffinic hydrocarbon solvent. There’s also the hazardous effect on the environment to consider. All these products end up flushed away and carried via groundwater into rivers, where they can have devastating impacts on animals, birds and fish. 

More comforting smells for a lot of people are Plug-in and spray air fresheners. I get so angry at all the advertisements I see on television, trying to convince people that these air fresheners will actually “clean the air” (i.e. Febreeze), and that you need a strong, flowery smell to be clean and fresh. In actuality, the smell of clean doesn’t smell like anything. And you shouldn’t spray the air full of chemicals because these air fresheners contain formaldehyde and other chemicals that are asthma-triggers and human carcinogens.  The best way to get rid of odours is to actually clean your house, empty the kitchen garbage daily and ventilate with fresh air. 

Formaldehyde is also found in the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. This is scary since all the television ads show mothers using this product for their children’s toys and furniture.

Silica is another commonly-found chemical. It is a carcinogenic when it occurs as fine, respirable dust found in some abrasive cleaners, such as Ajax with bleach, Comet Powder with Clorinol and even Sunlight Laundry Detergent. Healthy alternatives for these cleaners are baking soda, vinegar, or Vim. Laundry detergent brands that are  don’t contain silica are All, Bold and Tide.  Silica is also found in little packets that come with jewellry boxes and furniture to absorb moisture. Even though it is contained in the packets, sometimes they have holes and leak, so it’s probably best to use rubber gloves when handling.

And then there is everyday food. Many people might not expect to find such toxic compounds in the food they eat. There are so many pesticides found in fruits and vegetables. The CancerSmart Consumer Guide refers to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA), which screened hundreds of food samples for contaminants between 1994 and 1998. According to the Guide, some fruits and vegetables were contaminated with residues from ten or more different pesticides.

This Guide, along with other resources recommended by the LEAS website, convinced me to stop buying these chemical products and to give the all-natural ones a try. Cancer is in my family, so I’m not taking any more risks. 

More environmentally-friendly and affordable cleaning solutions can be seen on the mildly entertaining and often disgusting television show “How Clean Is Your House?”  If these natural elixirs can get the grime and feces off toilets that haven’t been cleaned in three or more years, it will work for yours.

More websites to visit are www.scorecard.org and www.environmentaldefence.ca

If you don’t have time to surf the net, here are some easy cleaning solutions for every day household cleaning using distilled vinegar.

Indoors:
-Wipe with full-strength vinegar to banish grease
-Dilute with water to remove grease and grime on mini-blinds
-Use full-strength to clean chrome fixtures and whiten grout
-Brew full-strength to clean your coffee maker or tea kettle 
-Dilute with water and use with a cloth to remove starch build-up from your iron
-Dilute with water and sprinkle on pet-stained carpet
-Mix with salt and baking soda to unclog drains
-Dilute with water and spray on mirrors and windows for a streak-free shine
-Mix with olive oil to remove glass water rings on wood furniture
-Mix with hot water and some liquid hand or dish soap to mop your floors.

And Outdoors:
-Spray full-strength to get rid of unwanted grass
-Use full-strength to clean your car’s windshield wiper blades and to remove lime stains

(Source: Kellen Communications Newswise)

 

The Tequila Zone

Every few months, a group of friends and I try out a new restaurant in Vancouver and have our own little review ceremony afterwards. This month it was Tequila Kitchen, authentic Mexican cuisine in the heart of Yaletown.

Tequila Kitchen is a simple eatery, spacious and clean with a partially exposed half-moon kitchen. There is ample elbow room for big bustle potential, as it’s  wide open and breezy. The decor is warm yet simple and unpretentious with a lot of natural light. The staff all speak fluent Spanish, so the authentic, warm accent was a nice touch to the graceful service.

The main concept behind the restaurant is that of a “botana: meals served in sampler platters where friends can enjoy sharing many different menu items.” The menu is not another trio of El Paso salsa, salty guac and sour cream piled on top of a soggy burrito or enchilada swimming in a pool of refried beans. It’s authentic Mexican food, the real thing, how it’s eaten by locals in the land itself. 

The first appetizer on the list is the best, damn guacamole I’ve ever tasted – spicy and fresh with chopped tomatoes and a hint of lime scooped up with crispy, baked tortilla strips. It didn’t need any salsa or sour cream, it was so good on it’s own. My friend across from me enjoyed the Queso Fundido al Tequila – melted Mexican white cheese infused with tequila and garnished with fresh tomato, onion and Serrano chile. Being a huge cheese lover, I couldn’t help myself from giving in to the enticing aroma and reaching over (while asking permission) to dip my chips in the warm, gooey heaven.

My friends enjoyed entrees consisting of Pollo en Pipian Verde – chicken breasts in a green pumpkin seed sauce; Cordero en Salsa Borracha – braised lamb shank prepared in a spicy drunken sauce; and Pato en Salsa de Jamaica  -  slow roasted duck breast in a Hibiscus and Serrano chile glaze.

I tried the Manchamanteles – which literally translates as “tablecloth stainer” – oven-cooked pork in a blend of chiles and fruit sauce. It sounded so mouth wateringly soft and decadent, but I found the pork a bit tough and the sauce and rice were bland. But that was a great excuse to slather on more of that sassy guacamole to add some flavour.

But my favourite part of the night was the drinks (of course, one track mind). I started the evening with a TK Mojito, using Cazadores tequila instead of rum, muddled with raspberries, mint and sugar, topped off with soda. At first, I cringed at former memories of tequila coming straight back up as soon as I swallowed the brazen sap of the agave. But the waiter confidently reassured me that this tequila was pure, the best of the best, and promised a hangover and projectile-free experience. I conceeded and gave it a shot. I was suprised to find the mojito quite watered-down and lacking mojo, so I inquired about my drink of choice, the Cosmpolitan Martini. The waiter directed me to the Tequila Cosmo, which, according to the menu writer, is “the elegance of a NY City night club meets a humble atmosphere” – 1 ½ oz Cazadores Reposado, ½ oz Cointreau, and CranbeMexicanrry Juice. Still a little hesitant to try a stronger tequila mix, I gingerly sipped the fruity cocktail. It was delicious – smooth and refreshing all the way down, and it stayed down, so well I ordered another. And another.

Tequila is taken quite seriously here. It is not just a gimmick or a quick way to get wasted. The good quality stuff is like a fine wine or whisky, something to be savoured, sipped and treated with utmost respect. The waiter went on to tell me that the executive chef Juan Gonzalez wrote his university thesis on tequila, so he brings some serious knowledge to the bar.  Like the little known fact that tequila comes from the blue agave plant. Contrary to many misconceptions, it is not a cactus, but a plant with spear-shaped leaves and a pineapple-shaped heart called the “piña.”  

The bar serves 19 different kinds of high quality tequila, including the super-premium category that commands the same prices as a fine cognac, such as the Grand Patron Platinum.  All of their cocktails are made with tequila. They also serve Mexican beer and local B.C. and warm climate wines.

There are five different categories of tequila:
- blanco (or silver) 
- oro (gold), which is sweetened with caramel
- reposado (rested), which is aged in oak casks for two months to a year
- añejo (aged), aged in oak for more than a year
- maduro (extra-aged), aged at least three years

Most of my group left shortly after dinner, but a few of us lingered to savour our drinks. The waiters were very friendly, chatty and accommodating, not making us feel that we were in the way (even though we were, four of us taking up three large tables in the center of the restaurant, yapping and laughing loudly).

As I write this the next day, I am hangover free, and feeling great! I want more of this Mexican food, service, style and liquor all to myself, yet I’m willing to share with more of my friends, since that’s what Tequila Kitchen is all about. 

MORE TK RECIPES

ACAPULCO
Tequila Kitchen’s refreshing sipper is perfect for the patio.

11/2 oz Cazadores reposado tequila

2 oz pineapple juice

2 oz grapefruit juice

Place ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice; shake and strain into a Collins glass filled with ice. Serves one

HIBISCUS ROSE MARGARITA
Tequila Kitchen’s unique floral margarita is a knockout.

11/2 oz blanco tequila

1/2 oz Triple Sec

1/2 oz rose water (available at specialty stores and Real Canadian Superstore)

Splash of hibiscus syrup (available at specialty stores and Whole Foods)

Rim a rocks glass with sugar and fill with ice. Place ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice; shake and strain into rocks glass. Garnish with lime wheel. Serves one

MORE ABOUT TEQUILA

2008 – It’s Actually the Year of the Frog

Newswise — On Leap Day, February 29th, the Wildlife Conservation Society’s (WCS) Bronx Zoo, New York Aquarium, and other city zoos will raise awareness of the global plight of amphibians by joining the American Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) in welcoming 2008 as the Year of the Frog. Since 1980, scientists believe that at least 120 species of frogs, toads, salamanders and other amphibians have gone extinct; as many as half of the 6,000 remaining species may soon vanish unless immediate action is taken. Habitat loss, climate change, pollution and emergent disease have all contributed to this global extinction crisis. 

The Year of the Frog shows how the zoo community can play a leading role in bringing awareness to a critical conservation issue, and take an aggressive, hands-on approach to ensuring amphibian survival. 

Photo: Julie Larsen Maher/Wildlife Conservation Society Panamanian golden frogs are bred at the Bronx Zoo as part of the “Amphibian Ark” 
project to save critically endangered species.

The Wildlife Conservation Society pledged its continuing participation in the Amphibian Ark – a global initiative to save hundreds of critically endangered amphibians from extinction through captive breeding in zoos. These efforts will preserve critically endangered frog species that could eventually be reintroduced into the wild.

At WCS’s zoos, several endangered amphibian species are being propagated already, including the Kihansi spray toad, once found only in an isolated river gorge in Tanzania. Though the species is believed extinct in the wild, WCS has been able to breed hundreds of these diminutive frogs in the hope they can one day be reintroduced into a restored ecosystem. Later this year, scientists from Tanzania’s University of Dar es Salaam will visit the Bronx Zoo to learn how to breed toads in their homeland. Endangered Puerto Rican crested toads and Wyoming toads propagated at WCS’s Central Park Zoo have already been successfully released back into the wild.

The Bronx Zoo will host “Keeper Chats” inside the World of Reptiles Herpetology at 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM. from Feb. 27th through March 2nd. In addition, visitors can also check out a newly installed video along with graphic displays that highlight the ongoing amphibian crisis, and the lifelike ceramic sculptures of frogs and toads by artist Priscilla Denachi Deichmann. Children will receive amphibian cards and coloring pages and see projected photos of some of the world’s most colorful amphibians.

But the stars of the day will be the diverse assortment of rare and colorful amphibians on exhibit which include spotted salamanders, tree frogs, Sonoran Desert toads, poison dart frogs, smooth sided toads, and the critically endangered Panamanian golden frog. The Bronx Zoo plans to add a new resident to the World of Reptiles this spring in the form of the popular coqui frogs from Puerto Rico, and will display amphibians in its Zoo Center building. At present, the zoo is home to more than 40 species of amphibians. To support amphibian awareness, the Zoo’s education department will feature frog themes throughout the year in its programs and events.

Other WCS facilities are leaping in too. A frog-themed activity area has opened in the Discovery Center at the Prospect Park Zoo, while an expanded amphibian exhibit is opening at the New York Aquarium. Meanwhile, the Central Park Zoo displays an Amphibian Crisis Center.

The Wildlife Conservation Society saves wildlife and wild places worldwide. We do so through science, global conservation, education and the management of the world’s largest system of urban wildlife parks, led by the flagship Bronx Zoo. Together these activities change attitudes towards nature and help people imagine wildlife and humans living in harmony. WCS is committed to this mission because it is essential to the integrity of life on Earth. Visit: http://www.wcs.org

© 2008 Newswise.  All Rights Reserved

Ratatouille Recipe

 

Year Of The Rat: Furry Creatures Are Misunderstood, Vet Says

 

Newswise — It’s the Chinese Year of the Rat, and if there’s ever been an animal that needed a total image makeover, it’s the rat.

Many people loathe rats and associate them with disease and filth – hardly a four-star recommendation for the furry creatures. But the truth is, they are highly intelligent animals, have been amazingly beneficial in medicine and can be very affectionate pets, says a Texas A&M University veterinarian and rat expert.

Dr. Kristina Kalivoda, a small animal instructor in the College of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences, believes rats are among the most misunderstood of all animals and are not the horror from the sewer people tend to think they are.

“Rats are very smart and are known for their problem-solving skills,” says Kalivoda, an admitted rat fan.

“Many people believe they are nasty, filthy creatures, and that’s not true at all. In fact, rats wash themselves several times a day, about as often as most cats.”

The name itself poses a rat problem.

Rats are rodents, and rodent comes from the Latin word meaning “to gnaw.” Rats do like to chew and they are constantly searching for food. They tend to live where humans live for two reasons – food and shelter.

They have been parodied by Hollywood – who can forget James Cagney’s immortal line, “You dirty rat!” – while last year’s hit film Ratatouille showed the humorous side of the creatures, and Disney’s Mickey Mouse has been appealing for decades, as have Tom and Jerry. Comedian David Letterman often jokes about New York City’s countless rats, bragging that “our rats can whip your honor students.”

Some rat facts include:

- Their lifespan is between 1-3 years;
- They have no gallbladder;
- Rats have a bellybutton;
- Rats can’t vomit;
- They are prolific breeders: A pair of rats can produce 15,000 descendants in their lifetime, and female rats spend almost their entire lives pregnant;
- Rat teeth are incredibly strong and can chew through walls, plumbing and even concrete.
- Rats come in different colors such as silver, blond, grey, black and albino. Some have short ears and some have floppy ears;
- The largest rat, the African rat, can be 3 feet in length – about the size of a small dog;
- Rats are expert swimmers;
- Rats can laugh and do so with a high chirping sound when amused.

“Rats are very smart and they can figure out things quickly,” Kalivoda adds. “If you put them in a maze, they can find their way out in no time at all. They are social creatures and can be very affectionate. They are also easily trained and many can do tricks.”

The difference between a rat and a mouse, Kalivoda explains, is size. Rats are much larger than mice, often three to four times as large, and mice don’t live as long as rats. Despite their frisky mannerisms, many rats have internal health issues, mainly cancerous tumors. Kalivoda says rats often develop mammary tumors or other cancers, and rats also frequently suffer from respiratory illnesses.

But their benefits in medicine have been phenomenal. In research laboratories around the world, rats have contributed to more cures than any other animal, and in that regard, have no doubt saved millions of lives.

“In my opinion, rats do a get a bad rap,” Kalivoda believes. “I can tell you firsthand that rats can make great, fun pets. A lot of people have rats as pets, and they will tell you they’re the best pets they’ve ever had.”

 

• © 2008 Newswise.  All Rights Reserved.

   

• My own comment is the dirt and waste they live in comes from humans, so their dirt is our dirt.

   

 

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Trés Aprés Mardi Gras

After catching up on Meladuck’s ingenious yet elegant blog postings, I realized I never posted about my fabulous Mardi Gras celebration I threw way back in October. Well, I must profess that it was a bit of a murderous Mardi Gras. She summed it up nicely on her blog:

http://meladuck.blogspot.com/2007/10/mardi-great.html

Enjoy, laugh and be scared to come over to my place.

The False Cure-All

Below is an interesting article about the pressures on women to get married.  It’s not as strong in typical North American culture as it is in South Asia or India, but it’s still quite reflective of common beliefs, even in Canada.

	29 » 2007
The false cure-all From girlhood on, young South Asian women are told that marriage is everything; it isn’t necessarily so   Gira Bhatt Special to the Sun Monday, October 29, 2007 I was a graduate student from India at the Simon Fraser University. Single, and in my late 20s, I went home after six years. It was a source of tremendous excitement. As I sat on the plane, the images of all my family members, numerous cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and neighbours began to surface. My images stopped at the vision of five little girls, about six years old who lived in my neighborhood. I was so fond of them! I was their big sister whom they waved at every time I walked by their play area and occasionally they followed me home when I returned. We talked, we shared stories, and we laughed. I wondered what they all would be like now. I knew I had lots of stories to tell them about my life abroad; what it was like to study in a big university, how students addressed their professors by their first names, how they ate their massive sandwiches during the classes right in front of their professors, how I had to study long hours which made my landlady worry that I might go insane, how women drove huge trucks, how the grocery stores had an entire aisle of animal food. Yes, I would tell them all about the joys of studying abroad. A wave of delight spread through my idealist mind. The plane landed in Mumbai and I reached home. Few days later, the “little girls,” now 12 years old knocked on our door. After inquiring how they were doing, what grades they were in, what their teachers were like etc, I started to talk about my life as a student abroad. The girls kept giggling, nudging each other. I could not understand what was going on. Then it happened. There was an interruption. One of the girls who I always thought had great leadership potential spoke up. “Aunty, are you a spinster?” Lots of giggles. More giggles. My mouth fell open. No words would escape though. My head started to buzz. Am I hearing this right? That was long time ago and I do not recall how the meeting had ended. All I remember is that I could not sleep well that night. These girls were barely 12 years old and their entire focus of life had zoomed onto one domain — being married. Now, marriage is not a bad thing. In fact, in general, people who are married live longer, are healthier and happier compared to single people. Also, at least 50 per cent of the marriages seem to move along smoothly, assuring a stable family life. However, what made the little-girls-in-India scenario salient in my mind is the recent events of young South Asian women in the Lower Mainland losing their lives as a result of their marriages going terribly wrong. Although such cases are a very small minority compared to the thousands of South Asian families who live a fairly normal and healthy life, the loss of even one woman’s life is one too many. I reflect upon the prime value placed on marriage in our society in general and our community in particular. It is a pervasive belief that marriage is a recipe for life-long happiness. It is a be-all, and cure-all for all the maladies of life. Although young daughters are raised with lots of love, a strong message is drilled into their minds throughout their growing years that marriage is the ultimate goal of life. Young girls repeatedly hear that if a young man has had a brush with the law, there is a remedy: Get him married to a “nice girl” and he will be all right. If a young man is involved in dangerous gang behaviour, there is a remedy; if a young man has problem keeping a steady employment, if a young man has been fooling around with “white girls,” there is a remedy: Get him married to a “nice girl” and he will be all right. The steady dose of Bollywood movies affirms this. As long as she is totally devoted to the man she marries, regardless of his “problems,” she will remain in that happy land of love ruled by her prince charming. However, if the prince charming’s problems do not go away, she has to just stay patient and worse, stay silent until the elusive destination of happily-ever-after arrives. If the prince charming does not become “all right” and in fact if he gets worse, i.e., abusive, there is the level two cure: “Have a child.” If having one child does not work, increase the dose; have another child, and another. Of course the problem does not necessarily go away. Scholars who examine the dynamics of abusive patterns in families have pointed out that among many factors involved in abusive relationships, an individual’s self-esteem is critical. How we value our worth as a person is crucial in providing us with a sense of adequacy, competence, confidence and the ability to cope with adverse situations in life. I see many young and bright South Asian women in my classes. I always remember one who was in the second year of her degree program. Very bright, very motivated, she excelled in all her courses. However, just two weeks before the term was to end, she disappeared. I sent repeated e-mails to inquire where she might be. A month later she wrote to me that her family had found her a really “good match” and she was married and now living in the U.K. Although not all South Asian women in my classes leave school halfway through, this is typical of many of them. Why are we not ensuring that our daughters learn to stand on their own feet before being married? Why are we pulling them out of schools and colleges? Why are we not allowing them to explore their talents and hobbies? Why are we not celebrating their school accomplishments without adding, “now, we only have to find you a good match”? Dr. Gira Bhatt is a psychology instructor at Kwantlen University College. © The Vancouver Sun 2007

Copyright © 2007 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

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the paper route

As per my post about my newspaper route that I had as a preteen, I couldn’t resist this Tyee story featuring excerpts from the book Wages by John Armstrong.

This story describes the pain and suffering of his preteen experience of enduring a newspaper route forced upon him by his mother. I can totally relate to awakening each morning after a night of fearful sleep in anticipation of what lay ahead at the crack of dawn: travelling through rain, wind, biting cold, sludging through muddy pathways, slipping on icy patches, wading through knee-high snowfalls and rushing home to get ready for school, all before 7 a.m..  I was not one of the lucky children who had parents chauffeur them in a cozy, heated car to and along their route. No, I had to do it all on foot with a noisy metal cart dragging behind me. The sparks ignited by the wheels as they scraped the cement provided no extra warmth or speed to get home faster. And being a 15-year-old girl in the 80s, I needed sufficient time to blow-dry my feathered hair and apply blue shadow up to my eyebrows. This was more important than quality newspaper delivery service, but it was enough stress to cause fortuitous panic attacks. I have recurring nightmares to this day that I awake late and miss deliveries.

Now Armstrong understands my pain. Unlike him though, I did manage to get fired. I guess the slave drivers at The London Free Press took their customer service more seriously, and also because the very last customer on my long, winding route was one of their managers waiting with his stopwatch timed for 7 a.m. sharp for the precious paper to be placed gently on his doormat while I bowed down to his arrogance. If it came one minute later, he was on the phone complaining to my supervisor. I had his paper delivered no later than 7:04 a.m.

Although Armstrong’s tale captures all of the gloom and anxiety involved in a carrier’s career including mid-route fear-induced bowel attacks (which thankfully did not happen to me), he didn’t mention the creepy homeless people and staggering drunks coming home from partying the night before that would try to steal your papers or make bumbling conversation with you. And there were people who would run out of their homes across the street from where your bundles lay and steal a paper before you got there, which of course, you’d get blamed for not delivering. I’d have to choose which unlucky customer would not receive his paper that day – it had to be a different one each time. There was no way I’d leave it for the stop-watching bitter employee who had to get his paper dry and pre-warmed, his favourite sections cornered, ready to read.

Ah, the joys of teenage jobs. How they play on your naivety and eagerness to make your own cash and have your own career. How they exploit the fact that your parents cut off your allowance because you’re old enough to become gainfully employed, but too young to get a job with the benefits of indoor dignity.  And I could empathize with Armstrong when he describes his parents’ work ethic:

“Not that I ever said so: my personal philosophy didn’t matter a damn. You got a job and you kept it, until you died or the company fired you…. In their experience, everything other than a bad job was too good to be true and so by definition didn’t exist, or was at the least criminal. The working life and the example of their own parents had warped them to the extent they couldn’t imagine anything other than a rotten deal; if a situation was truly lousy, then it must be solid, honourable employment.”

 The Catholic system still lives on: if you’re suffering, it’s all good. More points in heaven that way.

 

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Bird on the brain ….

Gander that has eluded capture for four months continues to be seen swimming with mate in Northampton pond

Randy Boswell, CanWest News Service

Published: Thursday, August 02, 2007They are one of Canada’s most widely reviled exports — the hissing, pooping scourge of summer across the United States, in parts of Europe and Asia, and even as far off as New Zealand, where the ubiquitous Branta Canadensis was introduced as an exotic game bird a century ago but now plagues the farm fields, golf courses and suburban parks of that country, too.

 

Canada geese are routinely targeted the world over (their namesake nation included) for abatement or culling by frustrated municipal officials and wildlife authorities, who try everything — barking dog teams, egg-addling birth-control blitzes, bitter-tasting “goose-be-gone” grass spray, even buckshot — to rid themselves of the nuisance.

All of which makes the extraordinary efforts in Britain to save the life of a single, conspicuously wounded Canada goose so remarkable.

The heart-rending saga has gone on for nearly four months, since the residents of Northampton first caught sight of a handsome gander swimming in a pond with a mate at its side — and a poacher’s arrow sunk straight through its chest.

To the general amazement of a would-be animal rescue unit — which, despite numerous attempts, has been unable to capture the bird and give it veterinary care — the goose has survived not only the initial piercing of its breast but also the infections that must surely have taken hold at times during the ordeal.

Yet it lives, a testament to the hardiness of the creature and the twist of fate that has all of Britain pulling for this one pitiable bird even as it casually curses the species in general.

“I have no idea how it has survived,” Roy Marriott, the bird’s chief pursuer, told CanWest News Service on Wednesday. “The arrow has obviously missed all the vital organs and somehow gone through muscle.”

This week, Marriott and other volunteers from the charitable group Animals in Need will try again to gently snare the injured goose, last seen a few days ago in a city pond with the arrow lodged just below its neck but now bent at an awkward angle, presumably causing even more trouble and soreness.

The crooked arrow is likely causing the bird “a bit of pain,” Marriott said, but he added that at the latest sighting the goose “was still swimming around with its mate and protecting her against the swans — he’s obviously still getting around all right and seems to be doing fine.”

Officials with the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals have advised Marriott’s group that if the goose is captured, the arrow should be trimmed rather than pulled out.

“It’s been in him now for so long,” he said. “So we’re not going to try to remove it because more infections could take place with it out.”

Marriott said: “I can’t understand the mentality of anybody firing [an arrow] at an animal like that.”

© The Vancouver Sun 2007

 

 

The Flossing-Virgin Suicides

After being inspired by Da Koch’s blog about “the spiritual gift of flossing,” I have started to floss daily. After reading how satisfying it was for her, her words somehow stuck to my brain, and I wanted that squeaky-clean-mouth feeling and pride of hygenic discipline for myself.  I was tired of making excuses not to.

For the first-time routine flosser (well, it’s not the first time, but it’s been a long time!),  it’s kind of like that feeling when you’re a kid with a loose tooth and it feels really good to wiggle the shit out of it. My virgin gums bleed each night as the wiry, taut string penetrates. I also enjoy how clean my teeth feel each day; there are no leftover grits and they feel super smooth, almost like I just got back from the dentist. Now I notice when there is the slightest bit of food stuck between them and I want to floss right away. But I won’t. I’ll wait until tonight. 

Apparently flossing can become a serious addiction. According to The Bouncing Molar, “When you start flossing instead of eating, doing your job, while you’re holding the steering wheel of your semi-trailer, it could become a problem.

Flossing addiction has lead to many a marriage breakup and can even in severe cases lead to death (usually from starvation). A 30-year-old woman was found dead with her cats in an apartment with a piece of floss in between her teeth and fingers. It is suspected that it was a flossing addiction that lead to this fateful end.

I suggest joining Flossaholics Anonymous; they have a great support network. Just remember, the first stage to recovery is recognizing you have a problem and that it can be fixed.” 

Who knew FA existed?

So, like every habit/drug/pleasure in life, moderation is key. After three days of getting between the teeth, I started to get obsessed with my plaque. I wondered, should you do it before or after brushing? Like every question I have about life in general,  I Googled it. I am realizing that almost everything can be answered on Google – how wonderful and how sad. The modern era of library halls remain empty, their shelves holding the Encyclopedia Britannicas lay dusty.  But I obviously don’t care. I’m not gonna travel fifty-blocks when I can look it up in seconds free of charge. The results of the floss question were fifty-fifty. Some people say to floss before brushing as brushing will remove the plaque and gunk that gets pushed out  from the floss once and for all.  Some say to floss after brushing as it’s better to get rid of the big stuff first and then get at the little stuff left over, and also that brushing first  loosens up what’s in between the chompers at hand. 

Then I found some articles saying dentists and periodonists say it doesn’t matter, as long as you do it. And not to overbrush, as too much brushing erodes the teeth and can lead to tooth decay.

So, if I haven’t already bored you to death about the mundane routines of good oral hygiene, especially for those of you who actually practice it, let me try to impress you with the proper technique, thanks to Google and copy and paste :

Floss Time

       Tear off about 10 to 12 cm of dental floss and wrap it around your middle or forefinger of each hand. Gently work it back and forth between two teeth till it slides past the tight spot. Be careful not to be too rough or your may slice your gum. Next, wrap the floss around your tooth and scrape it up and down. This removes stubborn plaque and polishes the surface. Repeat the process on each tooth till they are well and truly flossed. Rinse your mouth. You could brush your teeth before or after flossing, it does not matter. Some people prefer flossing first and then brushing the loose ends away. 

Before you know it, you’ll look all bright and shiny like Goldie here: 

      

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the smartest of them all?

 

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men’s room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said, “Welcome to the gentlemen’s room. Be sure to check out our newest\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\n\u003cdiv\>\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\”2\”\>\u003cbig\>\u003cspan style\u003d\”font-size:10pt;color:purple\”\>feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you\u003cbr\>will be rewarded with your wish.\u003cbr\>\u003cbr\>But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the\u003cbr\>mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"\u003c/span\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\n\u003cdiv\>\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\”2\”\>\u003cbig\>\u003cspan style\u003d\”font-size:10pt;color:purple\”\>The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton\u003c/span\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\n\u003cdiv\>\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\”2\”\>\u003cbig\>\u003cspan style\u003d\”font-size:10pt;color:purple\”\>stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us three," and he\u003c/span\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\n\u003cdiv\>\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\”2\”\>\u003cbig\>\u003cspan style\u003d\”font-size:10pt;color:purple\”\>suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.\u003c/span\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\n\u003cdiv\>\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\”2\”\>\u003cbig\>\u003cspan style\u003d\”font-size:10pt;color:purple\”\>Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most aware of the environmental\u003cbr\>problems of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of \u003cbr\>money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.\u003cbr\>\u003cbr\>Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W.\u003cbr\>Bush looked into the mirror and said,\u003cbr\>\u003cbr\>"I think…," and was promptly sucked into the mirror\u003c/span\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\u003c/div\>\u003c/strong\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/big\>\u003c/div\>”,1]
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//–> feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!”

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, “I think I’m the most intelligent of us three,” and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Gore stepped up and said, “I think I’m the most aware of the environmental problems of us three,” and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, “I think…,” and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

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Sheep look up

I’m copying everyone else and changing my colours. Let’s see if anyone notices. Oh let’s.

I am so tired today. I spent the long weekend cleaning my apartment. I tackled my bedroom which hasn’t been dusted or vacuumed in about three years. Three years of full-time school and work leaves no time for such frivolity. I have hardwood floors, so the dust bunnies under my bed and in corners were black, big, and frightening – straight out of a housekeeper’s horror B-flick. I swear they had teeth – at least they did in my dreams that night as they floated towards me with a vengeance.  I won, armed with my vacuum hose. I had to change the bag halfway. Vacuuming under the bed, radiators, dressers and bookshelves is a work-out for a couch potato like me, reaching into far corners with my face pressed against the floor and ass high in the air – I know, housekeeper porn – it’s quality entertainment, really. My hair and downward excercises resembled Richard Simmon’s while dusting and sweating to the nineties. I feel justified calling it a work-out since my bedroom is huge and I’m cleaning up the dead skin cells and stray hairs from three living beings: me, my better half and the cat, the worst culprit. 

So the cleaning was done, and yesterday I walked for miles and then drank red wine, ate medium-rare grilled steak followed by freshly baked strawberry-rhubarb pie for dessert, and tossed a frisbee on Spanish Banks Beach with some friends. Plus I chased and twirled a happy toddler. All uber-fun, but exhausting. Me and wine don’t mix. I love drinking it, the taste, the aroma, my lightheadedness and giddy grinning, but during the night, I always wake up with a headache, dizziness and nausea. And today, I am wiped. I am doing everything to stay awake and not do a faceplant on my monitor at work. I could sleep while walking down the street. I’m quite talented at doing those two things at once during broad daylight.

When I had a paper-route in my early and mid-teens, actually, let me rephrase that to the following:  When a paper route was forced upon me via slave labour by my father and The London Free Press (who generously doled out the slave wages), I would be so tired from getting up at 5 a.m. before school every morning, I would fall asleep while walking back home, the monotonous sound of the metal cart dragging behind me coaxing my heavy eyelids shut.  I found myself staggering onto the middle of the road, awakened by a honking car or someone yelling at me to get off the f*cking road. I would sheepishly make my way back to the sidewalk, only to find myself back on the road again minutes later.  I was eventually fired because I just couldn’t get the papers delivered by 7 a.m. sharp. Most of my customers were grateful to have their papers by 7:05, even 7:15, but the very last house on my route belonged to a disgruntled London Free Press employee who stood by his door glaring at his watch.  I was never so happy to lose a job. 

I’d be happy to lose this reception job, it is so boring, but I need the money. It is laid-back, super easy, but soooooooo painfully dull. Order processing, counting inventory, answering the phone, listening to my boss cough up and swallow mucus and the warehouse guy belch is no entertainment. They are sweet people, but love to hear themselves talk. 

I need a real job. I am tired of applying, working for hours on the perfectly-written cover-letter. I just graduated and so far I’ve received no responses, just dead quiet, the droning dial tone when I check for messages. My Fido voicemail is always saying, “I’ve got nothing to tell you!” in that perky voice. Some pet you are. You’re supposed to fetch when I say so! Fetch me those jobs! Fetch me the fancy title, higher wages and my name in print, you lazy dog!

My eye won’t stop twitching ….

In response to Little Biscuit Whore’s post  the other day about forgetting everything he learned in Wegnerd’s Communications class, I, too, seem to have forgotten everything from the entire program! Ever since the grad ceremony, it feels as if all the knowledge gained, both practical and creative, is seeping out of my pores as the seconds tick-tock onwards. That’s when it seemed to all happen. And that is why I promply registered for two courses after our final exams last semester, to keep my mind perky and grammatically sound. But, as soon as my security blanket of regular teachers and classmates vanished, so did my smarts. I feel like an alcoholic out of rehab. How fitting, since all we did was drink after each Thursday night class. 

I noticed the affliction last Friday when I was editing my Historical Fiction Creative Writing classmates’ character scenes. Feeling like the ever-so-clever-the freshly-graduated-writing student, I blissfully marked up with red pen the contraction  ”it’s”, using the delete squiggle over top of the apostrophe. I did the opposite for possessive “its,” inserting a bright red caret with a glaring apostrophe over top of the humble little word. Then I started thinking: Is this correct? I had to be right, after all! I questioned my classmate, whom I doubted since she constantly told me her grammar sucked. She said I had it wrong. I Googled it. To my horror, she was right and I was wrong! The shame I felt  was nauseating as I hurriedly scribbled a straggly “Sorry!” in each margin of the papers I had violated.  

Then to get my character scene ripped to shreds in Creative Writing. I was sneakily trying to make a non-fiction piece into fiction, and in doing so, the genius that I am, I forgot to change my own name in the piece!  I must admit, I only worked on it the night before, completely lost as how to write a fictional character scene from scratch and trying to get away with passing off an older piece thinking, “This’ll do. This is old hat compared the shit I did in Wegnerd’s class!” Oh, the mockery of it all as eighteen-year-olds lacerated my delicate prose. Actually, it wasn’t that bad, I got an A – , but it is humbling and a little degenerative being in a class with people so much younger that are actually quite good writers.  I want to smack the pompous dude. He never shuts up and is way to picky in his criticisms, ripping everyone’s work to shreds, getting upset about italicizing thoughts and using phrases like “four blocks North” and “years later.”

Ah well, it’s all a learning process, and I’m gonna have to get used to not being in my comfy old shoes that I’ve been wearing over the past two-and-a-half years. It’s soothing to read my classmates’ blogs though. All my sense of worry and panic melts away when their affable voices share how they are feeling the same way, stumbling through the cacophonous job market and bad interviews, feeling awkward calling ourselves writers when people ask what we do.

Hopefully the brambly path ahead of us will clear as we find our way and we will stop dreaming of thong pies (see Meladuck) and eating our feet. Yes, I dreamt I was trying to save money by eating my feet. In the dream it made perfect sense as I knew they’d grow back, like picking leaves or flowers off a plant.

The Book of Faces

I’ve been avoiding blogging like the plague these days. Partially to blame is Facebook (FB). For some reason, I am strangely addicted to viewing pictures of my current and long lost friends that found me and vice versa through this new internet phenomenon that has taken the world by storm. 

FB works for me because I can keep in better touch with my family and friends back East, looking at the pictures they post of their kids, and we seem to connect better writing on eachother’s walls than just sending a boring old email or picking up the phone. They never call me, it’s usually me who does the calling, and usually they are never home, but we always have time to FB. It makes emailing more interactive and I feel more involved in their lives. 

I also FB with my pals who live a few blocks away. Maybe it’s because we are all so vain in showing off our pictures and who we are, and more importantly, how many friends we have.  It’s also fun to look at other people’s friends and reconnect with ones you thought had dropped off the face of the earth. I have reconnected with folks I’d forgotten about completely until I saw them on someone else’s friends list. 

I found myself looking up ex-boyfriends and friends from public school. What is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly so interested in my past? I’ve even reconnected with my former Christian friends, very hesitantly because of fear of what I’d see, fear of judgement, fear of the G-word. But curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know if they are married with kids, and all of them are. Most are still in London (Ontario), some have moved either out East or West, but nowhere in between.  Even though my beliefs have changed, I am genuinely interested in them since we shared the most influential part of our lives together. I respect their beliefs if they respect mine.

I am agnostic after all, open to what others have to say, as long as they don’t go overboard and try to push their shit on me and say that George Bush knows what he’s doing and that yoga is evil. It’s all about balance, people. And balance is what I need, even with FB. I can’t spend too much time in that place or else I’ll get nothing done and spend countless hours writing about my past. 

Rage is best served blistering hot

For some reason, I’m feeling really angry these days. Maybe it’s PMS, yes, let’s blame my hormones. So I come to my poor blog to vent. I hope I’m not abusing it too much by just coming here to complain and whine. The poor thing is gonna have no self-esteem left by the time I’m finished. Happy stuff sucks anyways. It just pisses every one off.

The first ember of my rage was sparked on the heels of public transit, particularly Translink and Vancouverites. I do praise the locals for embracing the transit system and not driving, preserving every little bit of oxygen that remains in our environment, but since there are so many of us crowding into our under-staffed, under-supplied buses and trains, we should learn to travel without killing eachother. A new form of road rage is emerging – bus rage.

We have a lot to learn from our neighbours to the East. They know how to move fast and efficiently on their busy, well-used systems. Our West-coasters however, as polite as we Canadians are, don’t practice good street etiquette. Etiquette sounds all lame, polite and typical Van-cewver-ish. Maybe I should rephrase it to plain street sense. Let’s start with a list. Don’t you just love a good list? Your inner Joy Lass is gloating.

1) Get outta my way!

If someone  is walking down the street and you look like you’re going to smash into eachother, at least make an effort to move out of the way. Just assuming the other person is going to move, especially if there is oncoming traffic to her right and a huge tree to her left, will not just make that person move out of your way, and don’t fricking expect her to climb that tree to get outta your way!

2) OFF means the same as ON

When getting onto the Skytrain, let the people off first. The same rule applies to all elevators. Pushing your way into the car like there is a bomb about to explode behind you makes it really tough for others who actually exist on this planet besides you. These doors do have timers with enough seconds to let people on AND OFF the car in good time, and in case you hadn’t noticed, there is a warning sound that let’s you know when the door will frickin close! Elevators don’t have this sound, but also give enough time for people to get on AND OFF in good time. Oh, and if you’re worried about being crushed to death, the door will stop if you stick your arm out. Ah, the wonders of technology.

3) Don’t be afraid of the back.

When you enter the bus, don’t all congregate at the very front. I know the luggage area is very exciting as well as standing beside the great driver himself while setting his little alarm off, but they designed these new buses to accommodate more standers at the middle and back of the vehicle. Drivers are starting to get vocal-chord damage from asking people to “Please move to the back of the bus!” The B-Line drivers are getting carpal-tunnel syndrome in their index fingers from constantly pushing the button that gives the pleasant female-voice version of the same command that no one listens to.

4) Don’t get too comfy

If you’re sitting in a cozy two-seater closest to the aisle and the person beside you needs to get off, simply moving your knees an inch to the left makes it impossible for her to get by, and you wonder why she is suddenly sitting on your lap.  Again, effort here can go a long way. Stand up, for crap’s sake. As hard as this is to believe, you are not too  important to have to move for anyone else. I know you are bitter because she got the window seat first, but if you move, that seat is yours!

5) Speak, human, speak, but nicely. 

Again, this applies to the cozy two-seater situation. If you’re sitting closest to the aisle and need  to ring the bell, don’t just reach over aimlessly bashing your arm into the other passenger’s face while you yank that rope. This is where conversing with your fellow human being actually comes into good use.  Saying, “Excuse me please” or even asking the person to ring it for you is much less likely to get you killed on a rainy Monday morning during rush hour.

6) Crank it down! 

Thankfully drivers don’t allow boom boxes on board like they did in the eighties. Well, they did in London ON, anyways. But you wouldn’t know it nowadays because some dudes crank up their MP3 players as if they were stone deaf. I think those are the boom boxers of yesteryear, wanting everyone to hear their horrible taste in music, usually consisting of Asian pop, gangsta rap or heavy metal. If you know who you are, we all don’t want to hear your music, and you are stripping your poor eardrums! Sometimes I can hear your music above my own headphone noise. Maybe I should crank mine up too, but then I’d go deaf and it would be a choir of tinny headphone music for an audience of naked ears. 

7) The one-sided conversation-listener goes mad. 

You thought I’d never get to this, didn’t you James? CELL PHONE USAGE! I’m all for cell phones, but if you must use them on the bus (that means MUST, not discussing lame details about your bad sex life), keep your voice to a normal level. Just because you can barely hear the person on the other end, doesn’t mean he or she can’t hear you. Yelling won’t make you hear better, and if you are having connection problems, wait until you are off the bus in consideration of people forced to listen to you. And if you choose to carry a cell phone and listen to your separate MP3 player at the same time, make sure you turn your phone off or put it on vibrate so it doesn’t ring loudly forever while you remain blissfully unaware of other passengers trying to get your attention.

Keep your brats at bay. 

If you have children, tell them to stay with you and stay seated. Running around screaming on the bus is not cute and  is very annoying to other passengers, especially the ones who chose not to breed for a very good reason. If your child doesn’t listen to you, eparenting classes are only a penny and leashes are available at pet stores.

9) Young doesn’t mean strong.

If an elderly person needs to sit down, don’t ask the youngest person in the crowd to give up her seat, especially if she has about ten heavy bags full of groceries. There are plenty of middle-aged people willing to stand. Even a few old people are willing to stand! Not all of them are helpless, and some of them get offended if you offere them a seat just because their hair is grey.

10)  Ew, stinky!

One more just to make the list even. If you’re going to eat something, make sure it is not tuna fish, McDonald’s, fresh pizza or rotisserie chicken. It just makes everyone else either ravenously hungry or incredibly nauseaus. Try to eat before or after the bus ride. There are germs floating around in these human-crammed  metal tubes-with-wheels anyways, so it’s better for everyone that way. Incessant chewing noises are gross too. Don’t get me started about being squished beside someone with bad breath! And bathing regulary is a real treat for regular transit users, especially those with virgin noses.

There. I think I said it all. I think I should post this at the front of each bus. If you can think of anything else, feel freel to drop a comment. Ah, I feel better now. Thanks blog-bitches! Wow, that was 1300 words. I must have been really mad!

Okay, I’m done – Pullitzer anyone?

So the show is said and done. It all happened so quickly. All those long nights crouching over my portfolio book, choosing, printing, gluing, ripping, regluing, studying, reading, finding mistakes, reprinting, swearing. People came and went from my table, I answered their questions, they left. One woman came, stared at my poster of the black sheep in a herd of white sheep, squinted, and ran away. Some just silently browsed two pages and left after I said hello. I feel, … empty … dissatisfied. After all the hours of my work, couldn’t anyone at least try to read at least one full page? There wasn’t too much to read. There was only one sheet of 14 point-sized text  with a balanced amount of white space per page, and I had lots of pretty pictures of my graphic design. People like pictures! 

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. So many people came and went, it’s really hard to remember all who looked. And many times, I got so lost in conversation, there could have been many people actually appreciating my work. 

I’m finally where I want to be, and I don’t feel done. I feel a great sense of accomplishment though, but I still feel dissatisified for some reason. It’s the human condition. We are never, ever satisfied. We are like a virus. We consume and consume, take, take, take, and still want more. What do I want? I don’t know. To be a good writer and designer recognized for her work. To be famous ? Maybe.

But I can just see it. I will spend countless hours burning my ass into my desk chair, typing my novel. It will be accepted for publishing, maybe even sell well, if I’m really lucky be nominated for some award, but I still won’t feel “done.” I guess part of being human is never feeling done. We are always striving to improve, to better ourselves. Our goals are always changing, always growing into something we didn’t expect in the first place. If we weren’t like this, we’d get bored, we wouldn’t evolve, we wouldn’t learn. We’d remain stagnant, like a foul-smelling standing pool of water. Yuck.

I guess we won’t feel done till we’re done. Done like dinner. Done like dead. Finished. Kaputz. Life is a never ending bafflement. Is that a word? Yup. I just checked. If anything, I’ve learned how to use a dictionary!  

No More Spinning Bullets

My mood has lifted, thanks to Sarah M. and reading countless blogs of friends, colleagues, and strangers. Blog reading is therapy, arm-in-arm with the right music.  I know I already posted today, but I just had to tell you about this blog post. 

It’s about how to do a presentation the right way, and how NOT to use Powerpoint. Students of D. Warnick’s PR class could easily offer about ten suggestions off the top of their heads, but this link has really great advice. It explains how the software can be inefficient and distracting, how the brain works when listening to others, and how to sell your presentation. 

Check it out. My favourite tip was “Bullets are for the NRA.” How memorable.

Full of Grace

I am too tired and beaten to come up with any original thoughts. Nothing inspiring or witty from me today. Don’t come here for happy thoughts. They’ll come eventually, just not now.

Sarah McLachlan can sum how I feel much better than I can:

The winter here’s cold and bitter,
it’s chilled us to the bone.
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks,
too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I’m sinking,
and I claw for solid ground.
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
and, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.

If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place.
I know I can love you much better than this:
Full of grace, Full of grace, my love.

It’s better this way,
I said,
Haven’t seen this place before.
Where everything we say and do,
hurts us all the more.
It’s just that we stayed too long
in the same old sickly scheme,
and I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
and, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.

If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this:
Full of grace, full of grace.

I know I can love you much better than this.

It’s better this way.

THE BEST FLASH ANIMATION IN 2006

“THE BEST FLASH ANIMATION IN 2006” on Google Video
THE BEST FLASH ANIMATION IN 2006

Snippets and Delights

Bathroom time

In a lifetime, the average person spends 11,862 hours (more than one year, four months) in the bathroom, according to Roto-Rooter. The company is offering a feature-packed Pimped Out John in an online sweepstakes. It includes such amenities as a flat-screen TV, laptop computer, iPod speakers, TiVo, Xbox360, a cycling exercise device and a refrigerator filled with drinks and snacks.

Source: The Hartford (Conn.) Courant

Below are the results of my Simpsons Personality Test:

I don’t know how true they are, but I like them!

 

You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

Your life philosophy: “I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth”

And these are the results of how introverted I am:

You Are 53% Open You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.
You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends…
But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

And, YES I AM PROCRASTINATING DOING MY HOMEWORK!

One more. This one is priceless, the Boobie Name Generator

Your Boobies’ Names Are… Beavis and Butthead

The Dreamweaver Conspiracy

If you’re going to try to learn Cascading Style Sheets in Dreamweaver 8, I don’t suggest trying to do so first thing in the morning. I’ve been trying, and now I have a huge headache. I don’t know why we have to learn something we don’t care to use, and that is making the whole class both homicidal and suicidal. First we kill the teacher, then ourselves. I’d rather do that than try to learn it.  For some reason, it is making us feel that we aren’t worthy of existing if we can’t learn it, or that we are just too stupid to live.

Even the features we’ve already mastered in Dreamweaver have their bugs. The program seems to be designed not to work. Even though you do everything correctly, there is some microbe somewhere that prevents an image from opening, or your link from working for no reason at all. I am convinced the designers of this software want to slowly drive the population mad, so we can’t create our own websites. They want all the control and the power over the Internet. As web designers and programmers, they are afraid of going out of business, so by making the software frustrating, they are banking on the fact that people won’t  bother. And even those who overcome the frustration suffer the ridicule and shame of  the amateur, cheap look of the do-it-yourself page. The web-control-geeks can then charge an arm and a leg to create the website for you, or to provide tech support over the phone where they talk to you in such a condescending way you don’t feel worthy of their time.

That’s it. All the computer geeks are out to get us. They are really the ones ruling the world. We can’t do anything without them, since we can’t live without our computers. We need them to check emails, pay bills, register, inform, shop, Ebay, update our Myspace, use online banking, download music and chat with our friends. It’s hopeless, really. And they are constantly adding updates, new features and new looks just to throw us off track, and make us spend more money on new software. New features and technologies are just more things to learn, especially when designing your own site. They are trying to overwhelm us, and convince us that we somehow need it all.

Take the Windows operating system, Every two to three years, there is a new version. First it was Windows 95, then 98, then XP, now it’s Vista. To get it, you have to pay big bucks to upgrade your system. What makes me crazy is that in a few years’ time, XP will be inoperable, and we will all be forced to by the newest version. And they are always making things faster with more space, more megabytes. Now everything is measured in gigabytes. In a few years, those will be useless, and there will be terrabytes. Why can’t they just let a good thing be? Why keep adding for the sake of adding? Marketing, profit, planned obsolescence,  which to me is pure evil.

The geeks are getting their revenge on mainstream society for all the torture and abuse they suffered in highschool. The football teams and cheerleaders of the past are now the losers of today, unable to function properly without having to come crawling for help. These techies now proudly call themselves computer geeks instead of hiding in the debate club, boldly stepping out of the AV closet. They know how much we need them, and that they are making the most money. This gives them more power to own more things, travel the world, marry the hot chick, become famous.

It’s a cruel world really. I’ll try not to kill myself today. I can’t give them the power.

Of writing and fat

What shall I write about today? They say (people like Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, The Right to Write,) that the best time to write is in the morning, first thing when you get up, before you do anything else, even before you have to pee. They also say it is best to write when you feel the most resistance, when you think you have nothing to say. That supposedly results in your best work.

I’d have to agree with that. The stories I had the hardest times with have always been my strongest. The half-assed blogs I posted on a whim got the most responses, the most enjoyment from my limited audience. The stuff I think is my best usually bores people. Not always, but most of the time.

Okay, I still feel I have nothing to say, except that I feel fat today. Last night during our weekly Public Relations class, I was craving fries and gravy, and the grill was closed by the time I got to it during the break. I thought about A&W afterwards, since they make the best fast-food burgers and fries with gravy in the whole world. But then I thought, “Should I? It’s bad for me. I should go home and make something healthy, really, and save money.” Ah, what the heck, it’s a craving that won’t go away.

I asked Sara if she’d join me. As soon as I uttered the famous initials, she shouted with glee, “Oh! I have a coupon!”  Our recent body dysmorphia and promises of eating better were transformed to a deep-fried, bacon-layered, gravy-dipping necessity.   After all, we had a two-for-one teen burger coupon. We were saving money. Yum! It was all I could think about on the Skytrain ride there.

It was all I imagined and more. Hot, crispy fries dipped in creamy, brown gravy. The burger was divine, a juicy beef patty topped with melted cheese, crunchy bacon, ripe tomato and freshly toasted buns. Absolutely delicious. I had no regrets. I slept with stuffed delight, my all-day craving for salt and grease deeply satisified.

Then this morning came. I woke up feeling bloated, tired, foggy, gross. I stepped on the scale. I weighed five pounds more than I did yesterday morning. My gut turned in repulsion at the thought of five pounds of food just sitting there, slowly digesting, converting into body fat that will rest permanently on my thighs. My dysmorphic anxiety returned as I squeezed into unforgiving pants that stretched tautly across my ass. Great. Now I’m getting a lardy butt. Nice.

It’s amazing how a craving can take over all common sense. But even though I feel a tad pudgy, there is always hope.  I can lose those five pounds in a day or two. That happened to me once, where I ate a huge dinner, gained five pounds, and lost it the next day.  And there’s still that life-membership at Fit City For Women … right. I haven’t been there since, well, I don’t remember when. I sorely admit that I still need to get into shape and eat better, firm up my flabby middle tire and squishy thighs, but I’m not obese. Yet.

So for today’s menu, it’s a meager bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, vegetarian sandwich with an orange for lunch, and just a salad for dinner.